Famous

You’re “Connolly” all your life until you become famous, then you’re “that bastard Connolly”. – Billy Connolly

Genius

The truth is that our race survived ignorance, it is our scientific genius that will do us in. – Stephen Vizinczey

Cheaper Seats

Will those of you in the cheaper seats clap your hands? All the rest of you, if you’ll just rattle your jewellery. – John Lennon

Your Life

This is your life and it’s ending one minute at a time. – Fight Club

Health Books

Be careful when reading health books you may just die of a misprint. – Mark Twain

Compassion

“Without suffering there would be no compassion.” –  “Yeah well try telling that to those who suffer.” – A Walk to Remember

After I’m Dead

After I’m dead I’d rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one. – Cato the Elder

Conversation

I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation – George Bernard Shaw

Shy People

With a prompter in every cellar window whispering comebacks, shy people would have the last laugh. – Amelie

Heroes

We can’t all be heroes because someone has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by. – Will Rogers